Mouldyshorts
by Willakarra
Summary: In which Volemort learns a lesson.( Now with another ending.) Epilogue on hiatus
1. Chapter 1

Mouldyshorts

**A/N: Just was reading Harry potter book 7 last night, and I just happened to think: "Doesn't Voldemort's name sound like Mouldyshorts?" Then, that triggered me writing this. **

Lord Voldemort had decided that he should stop the Americans from entering the fight. He took 20 of his followers, and apparated to Half-Blood Hill, Farm Road 3.141  
Long Island, New York 11954. Unfortunately for him, that was at Camp Half-Blood. His followers ran straight through the boundary, yelling random curses, which demigods deflected… Basically, Chaos ensued before both groups pulled back.

Percy's POV

Ok, so weird snakelike white scaly dude (He will now be known as Snake Dude until he says his name) attacks, Curse of Achilles deflects, and I'm still alive. Wait a minute!

"SNAKE DUDE DOESN'T HAVE A NOSE!" I screamed, and all of the Hermes cabin and Apollo went down laughing, while Snake dude's eyes grew so huge, they looked like they were going to fall out, and the people with him were staring and moving their jaws.

Snake Dude yelled "Who dares make fun of Lord VOLDEMORT!" Did he just say?

"Whatever, MOULDYSHORTS!" Leo yelled back at him, and Hephaestus and Aphrodite were reeled over, and everyone else was barely stopping themselves from following suit.

Nico's POV

So, Lord Mouldyshorts looked like he was gonna bust a gasket, and pretty much EVERYONE was laughing now. I had to resist temptation though…

"Death Eaters! ATTACK!"

"DEATH eaters?! Who the Hades would want to eat THANATOS?!" Percy called out, and I no, must stop can't l- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I laughed, now, they won't think that I'm not emotional!

In any case, that was too much for Mouldyshort's pals, and they disappeared, Mouldyshorts himself followed. All in all, it was a very weird day.

**A/N: I will do 100 things tomorrow (If there's time), I will use most rules requested, the last 10 will have their own chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

Mouldyshorts

**A/N: This is an alternative ending to Mouldyshorts. Now featuring: 100% more GODS, 50% more Leo RANDOMNESS, and 20% more Seaweed-Brainness(plus, the only, the only, DISCLAIMER!((Nah, I'm just joking, it's Annabeth(((but there is actually a disclaimer this time))))))**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Nico! Oh, NICO!**

**Nico: How the Ha- How the Tartarus did I get here?**

**Me: I'll put you back if you say(whispers in Nico's ear)**

**Nico: Whatever, Willakarra would very, very, VERY much like to, but he doesn't own PJO or HP. IN FACT, he-*poof***

**Me: Forget about everything after the first sentence. ON WITH THE STORY!**

**So what's happened so far? Things went like this **

Lord Voldemort, being the dark wizardy genius he is, had decided that he should stop the Americans from entering the fight. He took 100 of his followers(in the spring), and apparated to America, but ended up at Half-Blood Hill, Farm Road 3.141 Long Island, New York 11954, because of the Hecate cabin acting like a spell attracting beacon . Unfortunately for him, that was (As all nerds for PJO should know!) at Camp Half-Blood. His followers ran straight through the boundary, yelling random curses, which demigods deflected with arrows, stones, swords, volleyballs… Basically, Chaos ensued before both groups pulled back.

Percy's POV

I was confused. Really. One minute, Annabeth and I were in my cabin kissing, then we heard a commotion, came out, and this guy that looks like a snake is yelling stuff with 100 others, so now we're stuck fighting.(note: this is more like an improved story, but who cares? I fixed the Part where it said Percy had the curse of Achilles, because this is after HOO.)

Annabeth POV

Ugh! Why is it always US who get attacked by people. And Seaweed Brain isn't invincible anymore. Fates, STOP MESSING WITH US!

Percy POV

"SNAKE DUDE DOESN'T HAVE A NOSE!" I screamed, and all of the Hermes cabin and Apollo went down laughing, while Snake dude's eyes grew so huge, they looked like they were going to fall out, and the people with him were staring and moving their jaws.

Snake Dude boomed slowly "Who dares make fun of Lord VOLDEMORT!" Did he just say?

"Whatever, MOULDYSHORTS!" Leo yelled back at him, and Hephaestus and Aphrodite were reeled over, and everyone else was barely stopping themselves from following suit.

"BOO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Mouldyshorts POV

How dare the filthy Muggles resist me? Wait, what's that light? Only 12? Just 12 more have come to face me? SEND A THOUSAND AT ME, I WILL STILL TRIUMPH, AND THEY ONLY GOT 12 MORE AS REINFORCEMENTS?

Poseidon POV

Oh, the look on Percy's face! Somebody better have been recording this!

"Dad?"

I nodded, while Zeus thundered out, "LORD MOULDYSHORTS. YOU HAVE ATTACKED OUR CHILDREN. NOW, YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE."

This Mouldyshorts guy yelled "ME? I AM LORD _**VOLDEMORT! **_YOU will surrender, or die."

This MORTAL thinks he can actually kill us. I couldn't stop the laughter flowing out, and neither could half the other gods on the council.

Nico POV

So, Lord Mouldyshorts looked like he was gonna bust a gasket, and pretty much EVERYONE was laughing now. I had to resist temptation though…

"Death Eaters! ATTACK!"

"DEATH eaters?! Who the Hades would want to eat THANATOS?!" Percy and Poseidon managed to choke out, when Thanatos HIMSELF showed up.

"WHO DARES INVOKE MY NAME?"

By this point all the demigods but me were down, but I was-NOOOOOOOO I LAUGHED!

In any case, that was too much for Mouldyshort's pals, and they disappeared, Mouldyshorts himself followed. All in all, it was a very funky day that basically got nothing accomplished. I'm pretty sure we scarred the dude for life though.

**A/N: And this is my version of why Voldemort never attacked the states. He did, he just was scared off by the demigods. There will be a third chapter, an epilogue. I know, I'm evil. Updates will be down to 1 every 2 days.**


	3. RANDOM CHAPTER

**A/N: Hi guys! I know I put this on hiatus, but then, TheSugarQueenOfCourse and I started working on this in my free time, one thing led to another and well... I got this. Note: I'm 34% certain that Sugar's ADHD. That explains the randomness.**

uest Chapter: Written by: TheSugarQueenOfCourse.

Disclaimer: Percy Jackson and all of his pals belong to Rick Riordan. All wizards belong to The Great Goddess JKRowling.

The inspiration and vague plotline of this story is the spawn of Willakarra.

Voldemort hissed as he plotted with his Death Eaters. "We leave England, and all of those wizards! We are going to rule the Muggles...of AMERICA."

-  
It was a fairly normal day in camp. The Ares cabin was trying to murder the Demeter cabin for singing hyms and planting flowers too close to the Ares cabin. The Apollo cabin was singing badly, and was apparently trying to HELP the Demeter cabin (something about avenging the chorus of voices or something like that), although they were really just annoying everyone. The Athena cabin was trying to soundproof the walls of their cabin. They had all the plans laid out, but the Hephaestus cabin refused to help them with the grunt work, because of something the Athena cabin had said about brains versus brawn. The Hunters of Artemis were due to arrive tomorrow, but one of them had arrived scouting ahead, apparently, because the Poseidon cabin was...on fire...

Most everyone else was either sleeping or trying to murder the Apollo/Ares/Demeter cabin, depending on who was being the most annoying at the time.

Oh yeah. And the Hermes cabin had declared all-out war on vegetables. So they were /secretly/ destroying gardens.

How lovely.

Our protagonist, Percy Jackson, was busy un-firing his cabin. It was taking more water than logic would deem necessary.

Of course, this was a camp full of demigods. Who needs logic?

As Percy finished, a dark cloud drew over the sky...the bright summer day took on a deep chill. All the demigods stopped and stared. THE WEATHER CAN'T CHANGE! ZEUS FORBIDS IT! NOBODY CAN OUTSMART-CAN-

They started to feel despair and loss of hope. Because a certain Dark Wizard and a certain troop of Death Eaters and a certain group of Dementors were hovering in.

"This strawberry farm is concealed with an enchantment, my lord," Lucius Malfoy hissed. "I sense a high concentration of...hair."

Voldemort blinked. Twice. "THEN LET US KILL THEM ALL!11!~1!11!1!1!"

Demigods: Not pleased. "THIS IS AN INVASION! THEY MEAN TO STEAL OUR LIP GLOSS!" 90% of the Aphrodite cabin fainted. The others grabbed all the lip gloss and ran. Piper was on vacation (a double date) with Jason, Frank, and Hazel, otherwise they would have smeared eyeliner across their cheeks and declared war.

"CAN'T YOU SEE? THIS IS A TRICK FROM GAEA! WE SHALL KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIoIhIhIiItIhIeIrIeIhIoIwIaIrIeIyIoIuIdIoIiInIgIkIaIyItIhIaInIkIsIbIyIeIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" The Ares cabin screamed.

Percy's personal theory was that Thalia was playing a really. Really. REALLY. big. prank. After all, his cabin was smoking and smelled like ash. Not cool, bro.

And that was when Mr. U. No. Poo. paid a visit. I mean...You Know Who. Of course. IGNORE THAT, ALL OF YOU DEMIGODS DOWN THERE.

"...why...do I have...this feeling...that this is all caused...by someone...named...U...no...POO..." everyone in Camp Halfblood simultaneously said.

"O_O WHAT JUST HAPPENED" they said next.

"O...O THIS IS WEIRD"

"jinx!" Percy yelled.

Anyways. Mr. HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED DUN DUN DUN twitched his wand. "IF YOU ARE A WIZARD, JOIN MY DEATH EATERS. IF YOU ARE A MUGGLE, DIE. IFYOU ARE A MUDBLOOD, CRUCIO!"(**A/N: I edited the bold parts not in parentheses) Because Voldemort had his wand pointed the wrong way, he accidentally hit Bellatrix Lestrange in the face with the curse.**

TheWeirdLawsOfTheUniverseDecreeThatGodsAreSomethingLikeWizardsSoBasicallyEveryoneInCampHalfBloodIsEitherAMagicalCreatureOrAHalf-BloodOrPossiblyAPure-Blood. Or a super-duper-upper powered wizard. WE'RE LOOKING AT YOU, HECATE.

Right. Plotline.

The Demigods squinted. "DIIIIIIE!" somerandomAreschicknamedClarisseyelled.

"NO!NO DYING! THEY WANT YOU TO DIE? WE WANT YOU TO LIVE!" somerandomDemeterguyyelled.

"...ARE YOU INSANE? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THOSE PEOPLE SAID BUT IT INCLUDED DIE. LEAVE OUR HOME BEFORE WE KILL YOU!" Percy shouted. The dramaticness was ruined by a **certain** demigod named Nico being pantsed. He was wearing purple pink yellow polka dotted underwear. Nico yelled and then a frog landed on Percy's head. how strange.

"sd;lfkdjas;fkjds ;lfkadgjwe hgaw giewiaptihewopahi geiht ithweihteio[paweopthi" yelled: Everyone

"I AM LORD VOLDEMORT. SURRENDER OR DIE."

pause.

Didjaeverhearthatstorytheemperorhasnoclothesorwhatchamacallit.

Envision...something like that.

EW YOU ARE GROSS NOOOOO NOT LIKE THAT.

I mean...everyone paused. and stared. Some scratched their heads.

a brave soul named WillaDaKarra yelled "**His name is **MOULDYSHORTS**!**"

A girl named Sugar immediately used her weird powers of weirdness to change the Dark Mark into a candy bar. Subsequently, most of the "Death Eaters" (NO WONDER THEY'RE SO FAT" got very ill and almost died, because, like, that's a part of their arm. What the purple.

Voldemort himself, of course, just cut off his arm, sacrificed it, and gave himself a new silver one that would betray him in the end.

SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOILER^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

tHEN? iT WAS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR.

oKAY? nOT OKAY!

basically Voldemort was rendered helpless by the ceaseless chanting "MOULDYSHORTS!"

Then it became a competition to see who could use the most ridiculously complex way to *kill* *decapitate* *torture* *humiliate* *forcetowatchtwilight* attack Mouldy.

The Athena cabin, of course, had the most complex way, but they spent too much time arguing about the specifics to actual implement it. FAIL.

The Hermes cabin was too large and half of them did the wrong thing at the right time and the other half did the right thing at the wrong time. FAIL.

The Hephaestus cabin tried to build a really complex machine, but apparently the Athena cabin swapped all of their blueprints with candy wrappers. *oridunnomaybesomeonefromtheHermescabinbutitsmorefuntoblameAnnabeth!* FAIL.

The Demeter cabin refused to do anything un-peaceful. FAIL.

The Apollo cabin just sang. I mean...it worked...except it wasn't exactly complex. SORTAFAIL.

The Ares cabin used their traditional nose-remover method, until they realized he didn't have a nose. They were going to scalp him, but he had no hair, so what was the point? FAIL.

The Hunters of Artemis crashed the party, but they didn't understand the point of the contest. FAIL.

The Dionysus cabin tried to make him extremely drunk, but got kicked out of the contest because it wasn't actually painful. FAIL.

The Hypnos cabin fella sleep on top of Mouldy's face. FAIL.

The Hecate cabin took away his magic. BORING. MEGAFAIL.

The Poseidon cabin tried giving him the equivalent of a bellyflop sting by throwing water on his stomach. LAM-O. MEGAMEGAMEGAMEGAMEGAFAIL.

The Hades cabin won, because Nico brutally maimed a voodoo dummy. He refused to hurt actual Voldy. But hey, everyone else was like triple fail, so YAY NICO!1! q!~!2! #3! #231!1!111

tHE END.

**A/N: Right now, half of you are nodding in perfect understanding. The other half are saying "What the hades is that supposed to be?" Answer: TOTALLY AWESOMELY EPICALLY RANDOM. Note how I did not actually cross out that stuff. xD. Points to anyone who spotted the two cameos. Hope I made you laugh. BTW if you want to see more of my updates, I'm active on Bad LUck. WillaDaKarra(that's my cameo name) signing out.**


	4. Chapter 4

Epilogue

**A/N: I know I said this is on hiatus… but I got bored… And wanted to changed from writing My Friend and Bad Luck for a while… Same for 100 rules… So I wrote this! (Not as long as Sugar's contribution, but, it's okay. Lengthwise, at least.) **

Lord Mouldyshorts- sorry, Lord VOLDEMORT/ He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named/ U-No-Poo/You-know-who/the Dark Lord was plotting. His first attempt to defeat the Americans had failed. His Death Eaters, and in fact, himself had run from the American wizards in fear when the most feared wizard ever in Britain had been mocked like he was nothing.

The Dark Lord had decided to leave that area alone until he had conquered most of the rest of America. His attack would be redirected to the San Francisco Bay, in California. (I know, you want the EXACT address of Camp Jupiter… But I looked on Camp Half-Blood Wiki and all it said for the location was San Fran Bay, so…) On July 13, he made his move. He and his followers apparated right into a bunch of hills. Voldy hissed "What is this?" for splayed out in front of them was…

Camp Jupiter! (I'm too lazy to actually describe camp. Read the SON( Son of Neptune(anyone else notice how the initials for the son of Neptune spell SON?)))

Dakota's POV(BOO! Betya ya didn't see this coming.)

_Where did that other flask of Kool-Aid go? Ah! There it: INVADERS! I need to ring the bell IMMEDIATELY! _Dakota thought, as he noticed Lord Mol-Voldemort and his followers storm down to attack Camp Jupiter. He rang the bell, and immediately Romans streamed out of the barracks. Dakota started to step down, when blasts of light shot at him. One caught him in the podex, and he became the first casualty.

Percy's POV

I was kissing my Wise Girl underwater, when I heard the bell. Invaders? Seriously? Not cool dudes, Camp Half-Blood got attacked by a bunch of weirdos a couple of days ago, and Chiron is making us search for them. I only managed to catch one, and he committed suicide with a stick in his hand. Don't ask me how, not even _Chiron_ knew how he did it, but we think it has to do with the stick. So I took Wise Girl above water WITHOUT drying her off.

"Percy! Dry me off right NOW." She demanded, but I think I was too busy laughing my guts out. At least, until she punched me in the face. "But Annie! That HURT." I whined at her, but she gave me one of her "Don't you dare EVER call me Annie, and it was supposed to hurt, so dry me off NOW" looks. "Fine, fine, fine, Wise Girl." I muttered. Then I turned around and saw the enemy for the first (actually, second) time.

It was those weirdo invaders again! They must be some kind of Demigod attackers.

"Frank! Hazel! Jason!" I yelled while running up to the barracks. The three of them ran into me, and I briefly told them about the (failed) attack on us. Then I told them my plan. (I know, you're thinking that "But Percy the Seaweed Brain NEVER has a plan." First, only Annabeth gets to call me Seaweed Brain. Second, it happened before! Like that time…. Uh…. Um… Ok, fine.)

The Plan:

Dress up in Camp Half-Blood shirts.

Make them believe it's the same guys they couldn't beat before.

They run away!

I go back to kissing Annabeth (Not revealed to anyone else.)

Jason's POV

The Romans had gone back into the barracks. The attackers were almost on them by now. Jason was getting ready to fight. "Now." Percy said, and the Romans swarmed out.

Voldyshort's POV

"My Lord! It's the same muggles as from before!" Bellatrix whispered to me. No! It cannot be!

"Wassup, MOULDYSHORTS!" Someone yelled, and they started laughing.

"Hey, No-Nose Dude!" Some of them started collapsing.

"RETREAT!" I yelled, and we fled.

**A/N: And the morale of the story? Never face Percy when he actually has a plan.**

**R&R guys. And to quote SharkAttack719 (Great author!) If you don't like it, you should have quit reading halfway through. That means, if you're here, you like it. IF you don't, what the heck are you doin' reading this author's note?**


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